Finding Your Confidence

            Having self-confidence is something I believe everyone strives for in one area of their life or another. When I began at Kane County Farm Bureau as the Ag-in-the-Classroom intern, I felt confident in my abilities to do a good job for them and to learn from them. I was even thinking of farm bureau as a possible career after graduation. Needless to say, I had high expectations for the summer I’d get to spend every day doing what I love – educating people about agriculture.

Two weeks into my internship we offered a week-long course for teachers to earn graduate credit for. It consisted of visiting local farms and ag-related businesses…and I was like a little kid in a candy shop. I was learning about families and businesses that were in my own backyard, and I got to learn about the amazing things they’re doing in agriculture. It was even more rewarding to experience the teachers discovering their interest and appreciation for agriculture, as none of them had any experience with it before. That week was full of bringing educators to agriculture, meeting new people, having controversial yet eye-opening discussions, answering questions, and just having fun! After that week, my expectations for the summer skyrocketed even further.

            And then I sat at a desk for 5 weeks. I did small jobs around the office – simple, day-to-day tasks I felt anybody could do. I started doubting myself. Maybe I didn’t do a good job during the institute and they don’t trust me with bigger projects now. Am I putting off a vibe that I don’t want to learn or take on more responsibility? I started believing the questions I was asking myself, and I found myself in a rut of lacking confidence.

And then fair week rolled around. Our pavilion had a bucket raffle, small petting zoo, and an information booth for farm bureau membership. I figured as the intern I’d have to be there all day every day helping out (I was just excited to get away from that desk). Come to find out I was going to be running the whole place all week. I was nervous. At the time I didn’t feel like I had the confidence to be in charge of raffle tickets, cash boxes, FFA volunteers, and discussing our membership classifications with the public. Pretty quickly, though, I realized I was back in my element. I was a resource and a bridge that was able to bring agriculture to the public. I felt more confident in doing what I love than I had all summer.  But I also realized just because there’s nothing to do, doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong (that’s just the over-thinker in me).  In the end, I was more confident in knowing what I love and how to do it well.